Had a lazy day today, we woke up mid-morning, bit pissed off as we didn’t want to waste any of the day, but also still tired from all the traveling.

We grabbed our trollies and headed on down to catch some rays on the sun beds. Lying there for ten minutes is painful, the sun drains every ounce of energy you have, and we are drinking like there’s no tomorrow! After deciding it’s too hot, we head on down to the infinity pool, sunbathing on the high ledge at the edge of the small pool, gazing at the rock formations dotting the horizon, there is no place I would rather be right now.

After a few hours of sitting and reading, we decide to ge get showered and changed and head out to get some food. Old Silk Cut recommended a seafood restaurant to us along the coast called Baan Rawai, a nice twenty minute walk from the hotel.
On the stroll down, we passed the local vendors selling barbecue seafood from little stalls, but wanted to save our appetites for the restaurant so we held out. The restaurant was open air, and we sat in the corner under a fan facing the sea and ordered our usual 50 dishes and a case of fanta! The Tom Yum soup seems to get more spicy every time we have it, but the SA loves it even more than I do so we struggle through it!

woke up early, very early, very very early. Too bloody early! What am I talking about, we’re in Thailand!! Nah it was early, we got ready to meet the tour rep in reception, packed out camera and sunny lotion and headed to the mini bus to get picked up.

It turned out we needn’t have bothered going to the islands, the journey to the speed boat was too much adventure for one day. No word of a lie, the driver was a certified nut case. I must have shat myself about ten times on the journey down, and feared for my life at least five.

On making it safely to the docks, I said a silent prayer (that we wouldn’t get that crazy driver taking us back), and we headed over to the speed boat that would take us the hour long journey out into the Andaman see to Phi Phi Island.

We decided to sit at the front of the boat, we were told it would be rougher, but more exhilirating, and adventure it what we signed up for, so forward we went. Turns out, we were sitting with an absolute character of a french guy who was opening a business out in Thailand and his chubby business advisor, and a couple from Australia.

The journey was a bumpy one, and painful my arse was on arriving. We approached the rock formations of Phi Phi Lay Island, they were stunning. The rocks opened up into a small cove, the exact place where some scenes from The Beach were shot (the shark attack scene and the Leonardo Di Caprio flirty flirt flirt scene). We hauled anchor and hauled arse onto the island for a look around. It was paradise -apart from the rubbish dropped by all the tourists over the years - which was very dissapointing.

We walked through the island to the other side, passing a humungous spider which was perched on his web above the footpath - SA screamed a little I think, and French doode walked around calling out for Leonardo. I think he had probably left by that time but didn’t wanna say anything!

After a time, we hauled ass back onto the boat, and zoomed around the other side, dropped anchor in a section with no beach. Looking over the edge, the water was way way out of anyone’s depth, could not even be touched by jumping in, but was so clean and clear you could see the sea bed, and the beautifully colourd fish swimming around. We bombed in and had a swim about - it was amazing. We stuck around for about twenty minutes, swimming around the boat with the fishies, and then got back in the boat ready to head over to the second of the three Phi Phi Islands.

En-route, we saw a few dolphins, their fins rolling out of the water, the first time I had ever seen wild dolphins - it was magic. The journey took about five minutes, and we arrived at the point where we were to “do lunch”. We jumped off the boat and I walked out to take a photo, kicking the anchor as I did and slicing the webbing between my big and second toe - ouchies. The reps were absolutely ledge and sorted me out with some clean water and band aids. Then we ate .. noodles, soup, rice and more. The food was good, and we sat and chatted with the Australian couple, on little tables set out on the sandy white beach, overlooking turquoise sea and dotted rock formatious out on the coastline. It was heaven, apart from my throbbing toe!!

After a while, we headed over to Phi Phi Don, the largest of the three islands of Koh Phi Phi. It was much much larger and had a small town with different clothes/surf shops, restaurants bars and hotels. I grabbed a pair of shorts and we had a mooch about before heading back to the boat.

We had one last stop on the way home, a beach on a sand bar in the middle of the sea. It seemed so weird, to be an hours speedboat ride out to sea and lying on a beach. We lay there relaxing, and I slowly felt myself cooking - turning pinker by the second. SA and I grabbed a snorkel and swam around, seeing all the different types of fish. We absolutely loved it!

The journey home was a bit hairy though, a storm was setting in, so we had to leave a bit earlier and bypass another small island we were scheduled to visit. At the top of every wave, they cut the engine in order to ride down it. It was rough, I was scared, French doode was hilarious! Our tour rep (Nik Nak) kept coming over to check on me and clean my foot, he was a top guy, and really kind. They kept throwing us fruit and bottled water and canned drinks. It was a great day, definitely one to remember.

We woke up early as we had to meet our Phuket Tour East rep. Still tired from al lthe travelling, we got dressed and headed for the reception. It turns out his name was Sonk-iet..(or something) so he soon became fondly known as Silk Cut or Slipknot! we arranged with him to goto Phi Phi Island the very next day, as they were expecting rough weather any later, it would have made the 1 hour speed boat journey unsafe … We couldn’t wait! Afterwards we grabbed our trollies and headed for the beach area, we finally saw the sea. It was breathtaking. The heat was immense. The beach was set to the right of the hotel, about a hundred yards stretch and it was empty save for a young Thai kid swimming.
The sea was turquoise and the sand was white, and even better we had it virtually to ourselves. Dotted about a mile out to sea were many islands and rock formations - it reminded me of the film The Beach (not a coincidence you know!! It was filmed in Thailand!).

We swam for a bit and lay in the sun. The water was cool, so refreshing to jump in after sitting under the baking sun. Everything was so calm and peaceful. Some young local guys came to fish in the see near us. It was paradise!

Afterwards, we headed back into the hotel grounds, to sit by the pool. The infinity pool was located at the very back of the hotel, on some rocks above the sea. Fairly small, with a ledge about a metre wide that sits about two inches below the water level, around the edge of the pool. The sun warmed the water there, so you could lie down and close your eyes, sun bathing tin the pool, listening to the waves brush against the rocks just below.

Every so often, the hotel waiters would bring you an ice cold towell and a selection of fruit. We sat there for a few hours, just soaking up the sun. Reading our books and eating free fruit. Many different types of cocktails were also to be had, and coconuts, freshly cut in the surrounding trees while you wait. Wonderbra!

We got showered and changed, and headed into Rawai, to a seafood restaurant reccomended to us by Silk Cut. It was about a 15 minute walk, along the coast of Rawai, past all the anchored speed boats, and local barbecue’s.

The food was great, Tom Yum hotter than the fires of hell, lovelly fresh fish, and fanta’s galore! We ate like kings, and all for about 2 quid!

We then headed back to the hotel, stopping to chat to a local family eating together by the roadside, and at a phone box to phone home and ask “What time is it there?”.

We chilled in the hotel, watching films chosen for us by the hotel. Phi Phi Island tomorrow!!

We had a late afternoon flight to Phuket, so a half day to pack and meet the pornstar for the hour drive to the airport. After far to many uses of “you see” from the Uma, we finally lost her and made our way through check in and to the departure lounge.

Arrived in Phuket as the sun was setting, we were tired and wanted to see our hotel. The drive to the hotel took about 45 minutes, and we arrived at our hotel, the Evason Resort & Spa as darkness was falling. The hotel front looked so nice, a drive through the hotel gardens took us to the front of the hotel, with a small passageway into the reception. It was paradise, decked floor with water running off the back, palm trees and a refreshing welcome drink that was a little on the grim side!

Some poor Thai porter lugged our heavy cases down the wooden steps and gangways to our apartment while we both sat back and watched :)

No sea view but buggered if we cared, the placy was idylic. Rustic and completely authentic, just the place we were after. Off season too which meant supposedly more rain (there turned out to be none), hotter weather and a nearly empty hotel.

We showered, changed and headed down to get some food in one of the 4 restarants… Into Thai.. with views over the sea - not that we could appreciate them, it was dark, but you could hear and smell the freshness of the sea, and we ate spicy chilli pork, served in a bannana leaf, and we drank from weird glasses that leaned over when you put them down!

The next morning we were picked up bright an early for a tour of the Chang Mai museum and a bicycle ride around the vanished city, and ancient city ruins a few miles outside Chiang Mai.

On the way the porn star was pointing out the anciant walls of Chiang Mai, very old brickwork surrounding the old city .. quite fascinating. On arriving at the museum we were shown in and I think were the only ones there. Then ensued the most boring tour of a museum I have ever experienced (not being a big museum fan anyway, unless it’s of prehistoric dinosaurs or some such!). We were subjected to the entire history of Chiang Mai in microscopic detail, fed to us in the form of pictures, writing, models (they were pretty cool) and even a short film.. fannytastic!

After what seemed an eternity or two, we set off for the vanished city, the only reason we chose the tour. It turned out to be more than a little dissapointing though. The vanished city consisted of one small building, nearly identical to the brickwork we had seen on the outer walls of the city. Old Uma showed us around, and we stroked the stray animals that were wondering about and were told there was no bycicle ride. We had just wasted half a day in Chiang Mai, not amusing! But at least we had the porn star to keep us amused on the bus ride back to the cirty. We were told the view of Chaing Mai was spectactular from the Doi Suthep (spelling?) so we decided we would have a hook.

Before dropping us off we were taken to some temples. Some SA wasn’t allowed to touch on account of her being a female :)

There was string hung inside and all around, from temple to temple. The reason for this is an answer (..Google has..).

On arrival back in town we got some food, was a bit overpriced though – think it came to about 45p each, extortionate! After this we flagged down a little bus/taxi to take us to the Doi Suthep. After turning down a few quotes of how much they would charge and not knowing what it should really cost, we settled on a price for both ways. We began the climb to the top of the large hill on the outskirts of the city. The driver picked his son up from school on the way and off we trotted. The bus was a kind of truck, with an open entrance on the back and sideways seats, and the journey was a little on the hairy side. SA even nearly fell out at one point, typical bint that she is :) After rescuing her, we arrived and were told to be back in an hour. We had a wander up to the top and a looksie round the temple. There were monks in prayer and a statue of a white elephant. There was also a memorial with photographs of many foreigners who had died in Chiang Mai so that was a bit freaky. Were we going to make it out alive? More stroking of stray dogs and we had a look over the entire city.

The view was pretty amazing, we could see for miles, the entire airport … watching the planes come in to land was great!

Up early to fly to Chiang Mai, SA is ill. The amazing driving isn’t helping either! They love the breaks in Thailand, and the harder the better it seems. Sue-Ann is sick all over some art we bought the night before which had to be thrown away .. yummy!

The 45 minute flight to Chiang Mai saw a completely different Thailand. Flat and open, very ruraly with lots of fields. The heat seems just as intense as Bangkok. We met our rep in Chiang Mai at the airport - Uma Porn. Quality names they all have out here .. wonder who we will get in Phuket. She is a small lady with Dennis Taylor style glasses and constantly says “you see?”. So anyway, the drive is over an hour to our hotel, the Sheraton Chiang Mai. We are tired, SA is ill and it is raining. We sleep for a bit, the time difference is really catching us up.

Waking up we go get some food, and take our first tuk tuk ride, on reccomendation by him, to the Riverside Restaurant. The restaurant was wooden, rustic looking, right on the banks of the river.. photo…..(….)

The north is famous for it’s dumplings and sticky rice so we had some of that action, along with our customery tom yum soup and a few other dishes.

Afterwards we headed into the Chang Mai night market. Alot quieter than Bangkok’s but some nice stuff. I bought a thumb and little finger ring, and a ring for SA. I found some Jade, had been looking for some I could hang from some leather since we arrived. We carried on looking about late into the night before getting a tuk tuk back to the hotel.

SA still wasn’t well and crashed as soon as we arrived. I found some Muay Thai kickboxing and Ultimate Fighting Championship on the TV so stayed up late, totally engrossed.

We woke up mid morning, still tired from the long journey and decided to visit the grand Palace. One of the main features in Bangkok, an area with many Bhuddist Temples. We were advised a good way to get there was to catch a boat up the Chao Phraya river. This journey took around 30 minutes and brought us to a roadside directly opposite the Grand Palace. The smells were an array of drains, sweet tropical fruit and thai food on sale from the many vendors in the market and by the roadside.

On entering the Grand Palace I bought a small flower and some incense, to be placed (somewhere) as an offering to (someone). The Palace was full of military Thai soldiers with machine guns, and loads of kids on school outings. We ventured into one palace, having taken off our shoes and socks, sitting in front of the giant Buddha, our feet pointing away as a sign of respect.

After the Palace we caught a taxi back into the heart of the city to Patpong road to find somewhere to eat and have a mooch about.

We headed back to the hotel to get showered and changed as we were to be picked up later in the evening for a dinner cruise along the Chao Phraya River. The macmeister did manage to rope us into doing something. Turned out to be a quality evening though. Picked up from the hotel, and eventually arrived at the riverside after going round in circles for about an hour. Had our photo taken on the docks and bordered the boat ready for dinner.

The food was pretty good, buffet with some cabaret guy singing all the classics. Had a few beers and pink lady’s on the roof (technical name?) of the boat, enjoying the heat and the passing temples lit up along the riverside.

After the boat ride we asked to be dropped back off in Patpong road for more shopping and drinks. We had a wander about and went to an Irish pub and had a guiness and another pink lady and some cheesy chips. Sat out on the balcony and watched the hustle and butle of the city. Was amazing to sit there and take in the sights of late night Bangkok. All the tuk tuk’s and thai taxi’s going by, the locals tyring to grab the attention of the passing tourists, the sounds and the smells of all the different food being cooked by vendors on the roadside.

Landed in Bangkok in the early hours (around 6am). We were met by our Tour East rep – Mr Mac! Couldn’t understand a single word he said, apart from he was to pick us up at 6.30 the day after next to take us to our next destination – Chiang Mai. Most encouraging! Oh well, we got the jist eventually – “Take taxi to hotel, take some time for sleeping, he call us 12 noon” – apparently to try to sell us some Tour East adventures, trips or something or other.We were then taken to our Bangkok hotel, the Montien Riverside: a 5 star hotel located on the banks of the Chao Phraya River.

On our arrival at the Montien Riverside we were greeted five star stylee. The doormen looking like something out of a 1920’s African safari with their comical hats, and the hotel staff in their elegant dresses or smart suits. Admitedly we felt like absolute scrubbers and a tad out of place! Everyone dressed to impress and us standing there in our shorts looking like we were lost. Everyone was so polite and greeted us with what we now know to be the customery Thai welcome – the hands together in prayer position and slight incline of the head with the greeting ’sawatdee kaa’. Top shit.

We were then shown to our room, the bellboy bringing up our luggage and then showing us whats what and obviously expecting a tip.

Having just arrived, all we had was large currency and travellers cheques and had to stand there smiling until he buggered off! Not at all awkward.

Next thing we knew we were fast asleep, knackered from the long 12 hour plane journey, with only Scooby Doo 2, The Boy Next Door and Spy Kids 2 to keep us entertained – cheers China Airlines, and the the large headed Chinese guy who blocked SA’s head the whole journey. We were awoken at 12 noon by the Macmeister, enquiring as to what trips we wanted to go on. We chose the evening dinner cruise along the Chao Phraya river.

We then threw on our trollies and headed down to the pool. The heat was amazing, sun was beating down and the pool was empty. We alternated between swimming and sun bathing, in just half an hour SA had tan lines.

Being the wimp she is, we then decided to go out and have a mooch around town. We walked out of the hotel and down the long driveway and were confronted with a large road, so decided we had better ask directions. The hotel consierge grabbed a big map and drew on all the best places to go and eat. As it turned out, the Montien Riverside has a sister hotel in the middle of Bangkok, and they offer a free mini bus service between hotels.

We took the mini bus to the sister hotel, just at the foot of the Patpong road, and made our way up, amid them setting up shop for the night. Along the road we came across a DVD shop, offering folder loads of DVD’s for around a 100 baht. Having flicked through we ended up buying about 5, and made plans to come back again when we’d had a chance to cash some travellers cheques.
We headed in the direction the consierge suggested to get some food. Crossed several busy roads as it began to pour with rain, slipping off our flip flops whilst dodging early evening traffic, and fearing for our lives we found a little courtyard with one restaurant open. As it turns out, one person spoke very little english and all the clientele were Thai locals. Just the type of place we wanted to find. We ordered a few dishes and some rice, each costing around 30 pence each, I had my customery four of five fantas, together totalling to around a pound. The food was superb! Tom Yum Goong, Spicy pork and Chilli Chicken. For us this marked the real beginning of our thai adventure!

On heading back to the Patpong Road, we saw a huge transformation. It was dark, the stalls were all set up and the whole road was hustle and bustle. Music was coming from the clubs on the roadside, locals were ??vying???? for your attention to sell you whatever it was they were selling??. this ranged from ornaments, hand bags and pretty lamps, to bootleg designer shoes, clothes and bags, to the most up-to-date dvd releases for 100 Baht each, little over a pound. We began snapping up some deals for souvenirs and gifts, nervously getting use to the bartering that is expected.

Soon we ran out of money and had to grab the mini bus back to our hotel to grab some travellers cheques. After that it was right back into central Bangkok for more shopping. Alot of time was spent going through the many dvd’s they have to offer.